Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
