My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
