Girls should come with a carfax report
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
