I wish you could order shots online.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
