My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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