come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
