Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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