My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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