Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
