If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
