ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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