Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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