btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
