so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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