I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Shame is for Republicans.
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