i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
