i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
