At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
