Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
