Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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