my sisters under your porch take her home
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
