i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
