On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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