i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
