I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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