my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
