If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize