I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
