somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Randomize
