listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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