Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
