when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
