i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
