Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
