I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
