walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
