She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
