Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
