I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
