She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
