I cockslap morals
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
