there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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