and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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