two words: eviction party
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
