I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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