I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
