Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My breasts were aching with rage.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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