Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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