U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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