I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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