guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
