Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
