I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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