Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
