It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
