I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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