im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
