Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The power of my boobs compel you
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
