Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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