I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize