why didn't you poke me back
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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