honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
