So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
