please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize