remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
