Betty ford says i'm here all night
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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