we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
