Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
