My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
