The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
