five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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