I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
