Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
