Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
