Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
