xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
