i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
