last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
