Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
wow bdsm is so cute
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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