So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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