Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
