I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
