i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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