Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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