what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
