What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
