How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
