I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
