Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
