sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
