I wish my penis had an off switch
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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