Don't make out with my wife yet
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize