Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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