Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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