I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your penis caused this!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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