He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
