And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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