I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
