Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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