i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
