No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
