The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
