Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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