Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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