either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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