I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
