He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
