I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
