I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
