once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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